StreAk oF BluE

My Recent Firsts

My watch now shows 0515 in the morning, indicating that my shift change is gonna come soon, at 0600. yet the clock in my laptop stubbornly shows 0315 still, giving me the sense that i live in two different worlds.

I do somehow live like in two different worlds. i'm currently working on an island near the far east side of indonesian archipelago. all my true being is here. but as my lappie connects me to my friends, my world, through the internet, my consciousness is dragged to different time zone and place, to where the time in my laptop applies, the beloved familiar western indonesia. i am yanked in and out of the two worlds whenever i have to change my focus on different things.

anyway, traveling to ambon several days ago had brought a lot of new things. i'll start from the beginning.

day H-2: the coordinator gave me a call, while i was sitting in my unbearably hot room, listening to the music, and working on some muscles (which regretfully i still don't have much to show). hhaha
as usual, his tone of speaking was annoyingly cheerful and high-pitched (one told me once that he even thought my coordinator was a girl when they were talking through the phone for the first time. huh!). "bla bla bla... Rudy, you're going to Ambon the day after tomorrow ya, i'll inform you about the flight...bla bla bla". okay, i thought, he had just ruined my day. the idea of going to ambon was not encouraging. i'd never been there, but the place was so isolated, so far away, that only a lost bird would end up there... hahahah, of course not! anyway, i lost the appetite to shop that day! which was a good thing, huh?! i spent enough! =p

day H-1: i found out my flight was gonna be at 0130 in the mid of the night. damn! what stupid moron would fly at such time of the day?!?!

day H: garuda plane didn't fly to ambon, so i had to take lion air in the freaking 0130 flight. lion air domestic flight meant i had to check in in terminal 1A in the airport.

the terminal was gloomy, all dark and kind of out of maintenance, but surprisingly active at 2300. a person came to me and asked if we could share the baggage, since he carried quite a lot. he quickly lost his hope on me once he tried to lift my baggage. pity him.. and pity me, since apparently my own baggage was overweight! damn, my lug was 16kg already (what the hell did i put inside?? let's see, G-string couldn't be that weighty right? :D) plus a box i carried for the job which weighted 6kg. damn, i tried to charm my way to the operator (quite a handsome boy... haahahha), and he gave me 50thou discount. hmmm, come to think of it, maybe he was more like pitying me than felt charmed by me. haaha..

anyhow, i went directly to the designated gate, hoping i would find some coffee shop to kill my time along the hall. alas, it was not terminal 2 anyway. all the shop's closed and not even a coffee shop in sight.

the waiting room was even darker and gloomier. some people had been waiting in there. a couple of teenagers sleeping on the chair and kidding to each other (i made a quick glances, no beautiful girls or handsome boys... not interested ahahaha). i made my way to the other waiting room, picked a chair near the far end and got my ipod out. there were also several men wearing cheap jackets waiting. not interested.
i assumed those were all the passengers going on the 0130 flight since like i said, what moron would fly at the time of the day. the god quickly showed that my thought was just nothing but a mere dust in his plan. just an hour before the flight, a mass of people began to flow into the waiting room. oh geez, two waiting rooms were soon full of people. i'm not the only moron, apparently! hahah. it turned out later that the plane was full, except for the exec class.

in all our boredom (everybody was bored and dulled, i guess), some were sleeping, staring at others (including me. it's interesting to see what people do when they're bored. u might stare to each other until someone gives up. try! ghawhahwa), listening to music, playing with their beloved ones (i did too, with my beloved ipod), chatting (some were noisy as hell), and so on.

Then suddenly came some people marching into the waiting room, which were the pilot, co-pilot, and the stewardesses. Gosh, they somehow were glowing in the gloom as they walked in, casting soft, fresh, and warmth light to the dull passengers. I bet every waking eyes were following them, as if greeting their idols. well, the stewardesses were little bit pretty. They flashed their slender thighs through the narrow slit of their gowns while walking, making some eyes flashed dazzlingly. I conclude that Lion Air's stewardesses were indeed better than Garuda's. Garuda's were pretty much all old and unjuicy. hahha

anyhow, the flight itself was a torture! it was hard to sleep since the plane's chair was damn straight and we couldn't do anything to lower it down. i had to slouch my body and put my head rest in a weird angle, giving me a pained neck with my every occasional waking up. damn, i hate everything about that night flight.

when i landed in ambon, my body was a little sore and i didn't even feel sleepy anymore but was just annoyed. damn. the ambonese airport was small, with many turns along the narrow hallway to get to the baggage claim. and the baggage rolling conveyor belt was short. by the time i got there, people had crowded the whole available section of the conveyor, from the tip to the tip. it was a mess of people with different clothings, belongings, hairstyles, ages, ethnicities, and so on. just like a mass of sand pulled over by a magnet bar they crowded the baggage conveyor. i gave up, i had to wait on the sofa (thank the building designer for this!) until some of them cleared out.

i got my baggage, went out and i had to anticipate another flight! but in the meantime, i noticed that the airport was facing mountainous geography, which was still covered with the greenness of forest. it was raining that day, a thin fog settled like a blanket over the top of the forest, giving it a cooly look. it somehow brought back the memory of mountains in Berastagi in N.Sumatra i used to visit sometimes. a chilly sensation went through my spine at the image of it, even though i was sure there was no wind passing by. i missed Berastagi.

Yes, i had to get to another flight afterwards. i checked myself in in the counter and waited. the plane came some hours later. it was horribly small, just an about 20 seaters plane. fyuh, this was my another first. it was like a toy plane if you compared it to the usual plane, looked like it was made entirely of paper and carton. i went inside and chose a seat. at least the seat was more comfy.

the plane then took off. the wings fluttered horribly or maybe it was just my imagination from my lack of sleep. as soon as it was in the air, though, i quickly decided to sleep, no matter how deep my curiosity was at that time to watch the scenery below. we were flying along the shore, i guess, and it would be a splendid scenery down there, seeing crystal blue water came contact to the sandy white shore and farther, the green virgin forest. it would be like a painting burst with color symphony and the splendidness harmony of nature. but i was to tired to care. i shut my eyes.

the heavy thud of the plane's wheel on the rocky landing lane woke me up. it was not even an airport, just a strip of lane made up of white rocks cutting through what appeared to be a field of bushes. a small shade consisted some working rooms and enough space for parking the plane laid on the side of the landing lane. i noticed that just like the landing lane in ambon airport, this one lane also led directly to the sea. i thought that if the plane fails to take off, at least it will fall on soft element like the sea water. but come to think of it, the water is not a soft element when it comes to crashing from high above or sideway friction. it has what they call the surface tension (i forget the scientific name. well, i think it is this hahah), which can make the water surface be as hard as steel. it what makes the stone leap when you throw it sideways across the surface of the water. but nevertheless, at least you are not hitting some hardy ground or plants. hmmm. not making sense.

we all gathered in the hangar-shade to wait for next means of transportation. i had given heads up that we would be riding on the back of a truck, with the wind tossing our heads and the sunlight hitting our face. it's not time for metaphor, but the thought of riding on the back of the truck for how many hours i couldn't know was not a comfortable idea. but what could i do? i just waited.

they unloaded our baggage, i took mine, and then the transport came. it was a minibus! thank god!

well, what came afterwards was not much to tell. we went to the nearby small town called bula to buy some supplies. the town was so small we hardly encountered any other vehicles. the ride to the rigsite was better than the one i had been in south sumatra. in south sumatra, all you could see was the coconut or rubber plantation. it was boresome. but here, you could enjoy the openness of the steppa, wide green field filled with chest high bushes and occasional trees. on the background, the mountain rose, with the trees meeting the low clouds, creating quite a relaxing scenery. it's not breathtaking, but somehow it comforts you down.

hm, overall, i really didn't enjoy the trip. but new experiences made it all worth to try. just don't do it too often, i say to myself...

Quotes

hey, i really like these. i just feel like sharing some...

aristotle: "The sense of tragedy comes, ironically enough, not from the protagonist's weak point but from his good quality"

what he means is that bad things or at least hardships come not because of one's bad sides, but actually because of one's good sides. hm.. now when i think of it, maybe he has it right. too good sometimes, and you get tricked because of it. i dunno. but i agree that tragedy would eventually bring the person to a deeper sense of righteousness, a more matured state of mind, and thus a better person...

okay, i think one difficult quote is enough for one day. here are some from the film "Becoming Jane", a love-story based on the life of british reknown novelist, Jane Austen.

Mr. Austen: "nothing destroys spirit like poverty"

--> i think it's pretty deep. some people can live happily with poverty, happy with what simple thing they have, worrying nothing of tomorrow. but it can really crush spirit...

Tom Lefroy: "i'm yours, i'm yours, heart and soul"

--> simple, but i like it

Tom Lefroy: "what value will there be in life if we are not together"

--> when they're in doubt whether to part or elope.

Tom Lefroy: "No, don't speak or think... Just love me.. Do you love me..?"

--> thinking does make emotion irrational. love, or logic??


here is the poet taken (and slightly modified) from the film "Silk". i dunno, i just like it a lot...

My beloved,
Do not be afraid, do not move, do not speak
No one will see us
Stay as you are
I want to look at you

We have tonight to ourselves
And I want to look at you

Your body for me
Your skin, your lips
Close your eyes
No one can see us
And I am here at your side
Do you feel me?

When I touch you for the first time
(it would be with my lips)
You would feel the warmth
But you would not know where…
Perhaps it would be on your eyes

I would press my mouth to your eyes
And you would feel the warmth

Open your eyes now my beloved
Look at me
Your eyes on my breasts
Your arms lifting me
Letting me slide onto you
My faint cry, your body quivering
There’s no end to it, don’t you see?
You would forever be throwing your head back
I would forever be shaking off my tears

This moment had to be…
This moment is…
And this moment would continue
From now until forever

We shall not see one another again
You could ever erase this moment
What we were meant to do we’ve done
Believe me my love, we have done it forever

Preserve your life out of my reach
And if it serves you happiness
Do not hesitate for a moment
To forget this moment for nonsense
Without a trace of regret

Farewell…

iPT

today's Wednesday, another boring day for me in Jakarta. I have no special plans for today. I'd like to go swimming but the pool's closed for cleaning. and the sky keeps changing ruthlessly, with occasional burst of heavy rains, followed suddenly by scourge of unbearable sunny sky. the only thing you can count on is 'change'.

so, in this particular jobless day, i have spared some moment to write. well, it's more like i'm trying to kill the time. i don't know what else to do!
i have bought for myself an iPod Touch, which is by many shorted as iPT for convenience. for you who don't know what iPod touch is, it is iPhone without the phone and bluetooth features. if you still don't know what an iPhone is, well, google is a wonderful tool to begin with (this has practically become a ubiquitous quote to mock the lazy people who want to know anything but don't have the diligence to search for it, apparently with google, of course).

i know both iPT and iPhone have been widely reviewed in the net; i just need to kill the time, remember? so bear with me.. hehe.

so what is iPT and what can it do? simply said, iPT is an iPod (the famed Apple-manufactured mini music player that comes in many variants) that incorporates the multi-touch technology (which is claimed somewhere as the invention of the year 2007). this means it comes with a touch screen for the multi-touch tech to work. the only real 'physical' buttons are the one located in the top left corner of the upper side of the gadget, used for sleep/power button; and the one in the lower middle of the gadget, used for home screen access button. every other button will pop upon the screen for user to touch every time appropriate application is launched.

like many others, i instantly fell in love (and in awe) with this gadget the first time i saw it (and afterwards, touched it). with its slim shape body (only less than 8mm thick) and wide 3.5 inch screen, it is truly sleek and stylish. the front frame is colored in black and the back with steely silver with apple logo printed on it. the screen is claimed to be anti-scratch, but i don't take chances, so i have put screen guard both on the front screen and the back side. as if the appearance itself is not enough, there comes the multi-touch technology that makes every touch so electrifying to do and see. on the screen are several icons ready to be explored once you turn the gadget on. music, picture and video are inseparable for iPod, but it also incorporates Safari web browser, clock, calendar, contact, and direct access to iTunes music store.

what i love about it is the touch and slide thing. when you need to drag the screen down, you just simply touch it, and slide the finger along the screen to drag it down. cool, i think. it even pops up keyboard layout on the screen for typing when needed. well, the buttons are a little bit too closely spaced, but over time i get used to it.
i can store more than 2500 songs, memorable photos, and some videos (it is time consuming, though, to convert video to the one compatible with iPod). yet it is truly multimedia on the go. well, i enjoyed taking it and touching it the first days of my encounter with this wonderful little devil. but after a while, it seems like nothing more than portable walkman...

anyway, i don't claim that i have exhausted my love for this thing, it just occurs to me that it can only do limited number of things. i imagine i might want to be able to write notes, use messenger, etc etc. so i browsed Apple website for answer. the best they can offer is the web app which is basically some additional applications accessed ONLY when i am in the wifi coverage. how can you call such application mobile? it is not good enough. so i search for informal forums discussing iPT. man, there is one that offers exactly what i'm looking for. they call it 'jailbreaking' (this explains the status of my YM lately!! hehe). it's just another term of hacking into the iPT. by doing this, i can add more applications i see fit to my needs. well, i had been truly excited about this.

i'd like to tell you how cool my jailbroken iPT was, but unfortunately, i haven't succeeded. hahahaha. but it's supposed to be great and cool, or so i see it in the internet. the main problem is that i need wifi connection (a truly fast one) to download the upgrade. and it must be wifi. i am now stuck at the last step where i have to download the final upgrade through the wifi with my iPT. you know how slow wifi in this country can be! so here i am, waiting for the progress percentage to move, but unfortunately slow it goes! darn. i have finished a plate of chicken wings and two glasses of hot chocolate and it's still spinning... and here i am again, wishing it will spare me the time and let me through with this painstakingly slow process.

so, what is the point of my blog? go see and buy an iPT. it's technology man! hahaha

my life...

Here I am again, after long time no see! This last three months have been like my adaptation months to this whole new life of mine. I moved to this new room, which is much less comfortable than the last room I had back in Bandung. I surely miss the guys and the city, plus all the easy living we had back then, the hangouts and the foods, the university years and all. Oh, time is surely moving forward cruelly.

Now I have just to accept whatever life’s going to offer. I now rent a room in an almost remote-from-civilization area in South Jakarta. Fortunately I can access the busway which kindly offers an access to greater Jakarta and to my friends in no time not so far away from the place I live. There’s also, thank God, a swimming pool nearby. It’s destiny I guess that I always end up live in places where there’s a swimming pool nearby. Now, I didn’t plan that one when I moved in. The water gods surely love me much to arrange such destiny for me. Swimming has always been my most comforting choice for pastimes, beside movie, hangout, and god knows what else. What I expect, though, is a place near the heart of entertainment and leisure, a place I can easily find a spot to prey and be preyed upon. Well, you can translate that sentence into any wild imaginings you like. The only closest thing to that imagination is a mall called Citos here. I don’t like it very much though. So despite all the incompatibilities of my living place against the way my mind is hoping what a place to live should be, I still haven’t moved yet. Many reasons, but so little excuses. Well, it’s just a stone throw away from the commercial estate where the company I work at is. It surely wins many whole points against all the inconveniences for lives. But I do consider to move somewhere further and close to civilization. I just can make up my mind yet, just like my usual indecisiveness, and I still can’t find the right place. Plus, I seldom stay long enough in the city to look for something I like.

So, talking about the jobs, I have been asked many times, what and how my job actually is. Most responses I got after I told my profession were rigorous blinking (well, I exaggerate this, but as metaphor you know what I mean), silence (I don’t really know what silence means!), and the most frequent: more questions. Well, my job is indeed not like being in the list of the most well known or looked after jobs, like lawyer, accountant, manager, or even engineer. For people who are not familiar in the oil industry, it may be a new thing to hear. Well, I’ll try to explain as there be given chance.

I’m working in an oil service company. For short, we provide services to oil owner companies. Of so many divisions in this company, I work in the drilling division as MWD engineer. Now, now, I can just sense that you have just added more wrinkles on the brows of yours buddy. MWD is short for Measurement While Drilling. Like the name of it, we provide measurement services while the drilling is performed. As you MIGHT know, most of the oil wells drilled today are not vertical, which means the well path can deviate horizontally and vertically from the drilling starting point. Why elaborate so? Well, sometimes it is more cost efficient than vertical path. Ask oil engineers for more detail but here’s the picture: imagine you suspect an oil reservoir exists beneath some village or city, you can wipe out the entire place to put your rig on top of it and drill vertical or you can put it somewhere beyond the surface projections of the reservoir and drill a deviate path.

So, where do we come to play? Our division work on how to build the desired deviated path and get the drill done. A directional driller is a pro for that. But how can you tell where the drill bit is going once it goes down-hole? How can you point your position and navigate the bit so it turns to the desired path? That’s what MWD provides. We install a down-hole sensor in the pipe to send us information about where our bit is drilling its path down there. We need only two information to know where our bit is. If you are familiar with the spherical coordinate, you might get the idea how. So we have to set up the tools and all the computers, test that and this, install it, and troubleshoot if necessary.

Well, I guess I have explained as much I could. So the next time people ask me about my job, fortunately I can easily say, hey, visit my blog in Friendster will ya.

So, is it fun, this job? Well, I guess I can’t say I’m comfortable with it, but it is not bad either. The annoying part: you have a truly crappy schedule. Many my plans have failed thanks to the irregular schedule. This job is also not something I imagined I would be having back when I was still in the university. I imagined a job behind the desk, tucked shirt, tailored pants, probably suit, file case, laptops, and weekend pleasure. I imagined the girls behind the doors, view to the city, office in the crowded lane of the city, and the malls. I imagined no sweat but the sweat of my brains, no mud, no brawns, no ducking below the pipes and working below the place where the water drips. I imagined of happy weekend, happy holidays, safe position, safe asses, and fucking cool all day long. My job probably concludes all the opposites. LOL. Like I say, it is not that bad though. I can avoid boring daily routine of office life and actually work some muscles (this though, I doubt since many of my colleagues are truly ‘filled’). The pay is above moderate and we just sit most of the time during the job. I can travel here and there, seeing places, meeting people, getting experience, missing my friends and my family. (Oh, I truly miss the foods now). It is a good thing, it means I still care for something and I have a dream when I come back home. So, I sometimes do complain I have to stay in the stupid field where nothing exists but me and the drilling program, or I can open my laptop and write this, thinking about friends and families, like I do now. J And thankfully I have got the psp. Thanks for it pal! Maybe an ipod will be a good companion too? Hahaha. Man, it’s not like the adaptation is over…

So at quiet times like this, I always miss somebody, and thinking, having a person to share a love might be nice… See you then!

GloOmY MoOd

THIS is something i write during one of my off time in a remote place...

Have you ever heard of these two: “work to live” and “live to work”; two very different lifestyles that determine how you live your life. I might still a newbie in this whole working experience to understand those fully, but would people, who have worked long enough, be able to realize which path they have taken? And when they have, and are not satisfied with it, would it then be already too late to change the course, or simply, do they have the gut to do so… for sacrifice is all needed to afford it.

Anyway as I write this, I am in a trailer. It’s Sunday, yet I haven’t gone to the church. Not that it matters anyway, for I seldom go either. Besides, there is no church here, adding up to a perfect excuse. And anyway, the afternoon heat inside the trailer is unbearable. My friend, who fasts for the Holy month, has gone to the Mushola, I guess, to find shelter from the searing heat.

There are six beds inside the trailer, previously occupied by five. Unlike my friend, the others have gone even farther than simply to the Mushola; they have gone back to Jakarta, the heart of civilization and entertainment and social life and all. Only the two of us are still stuck here. Even though before, when everybody was still here, we seldom chatted to each other, somehow the air is now full of solitude without them. Maybe the fact that we shared the same situation that what might have bounded us off loneliness. Now the bound has gone and the loneliness feeling seeps through every pore.

I write this because I simply am idling right now, something I am neither grateful for nor vengeful at. I try my best and struggle hard to kill the time, yet wish that this idleness would never end. Don’t mind that, I say to myself as I try to soothe my soul, since at least we have been told that we’re not into more works today. Just focus on how to write this off.

How are you doing, people? It sure seems like eons the last time I met you guys. I surely miss you. The time and space stretches like oiled rubber here, lengthy and sticky. Geographically, I am closer to home, yet the omnipresent of the quiet nothingness, the dirt, and the endless stands of trees have deluded me. My mind is filled with these many words to tell, many thoughts to share, and many wishes to meet. Yes, the air conditioner is doing nothing to help the glowing heat. And yes, it might have tracked my train of thought off the rail. I don’t really care.

By the way, I went along a car ride this morning (not something I seldom do though especially when I have to move back and forth the site where I work). As usual, I had no clue how the roads interconnect here. Every turn reveals the same scenery; plantation on the both sides, brown reddish bushes stained with layers of dust, occasional rusty pipelines, and scattered gravels on the dusty dirt road. The dirt roads fork rigorously into many unknown places, turn into many unknown destinations to me. No, it is not my concern, only the complicatedness of this whole setting frustrates me, or rather numbs me. Once during this ride, a thick fog appears suddenly surrounding us, blocking the sight to a mere two meter, causing us to slow for safety. Inexperienced eyes like mine wouldn’t have noticed that it was not dew at all, but rather, as I knew seconds later, particles of dust that had risen up from the ground. This phenomenon alerted my senses as everything seemed to slow down even more, letting me take the chance to enjoy the emptiness of presence, the ubiquitous quite. Everything that had been clamoring my mind for days turned into a blur of other dimension, a moment of peace. It was brief though, we moved past it too soon.

Now we are back here in the small spaced trailer, with my only savior from this boredom: my walkman phone, feeding constant musics to my ears. And then there are you people. And then there is this blog. And then I hope I could be with you somehow, somewhere, some time; Old schoolers, faraway friends, classmates, lover… friends.

And after all this long aimless blog, I still can’t decide: work to live or live to work. What I do is I walk down the winding road and let the paths reveal themselves, like the dust that fades away, eventually…

And for you:

Truly miss you in times like this… Your smiles truly help… it cools me through the heat

MoVe On

I like to think myself to face a new beginning… but the past drags me like unhinged part of me, my memory, maiming me, don’t want to let go. I often ensure myself that my life is open to countless possibilities of new experiences, but yet I can not let go of things that I don’t want to change.

No, I don’t want you to get this all wrong. It’s not as dramatic as like someone’s dying (well, I know someone who’s died recently, but not that), or like when I have just broken up with someone. It’s just that I am moving. Yup, I mean literally, I’m moving. My life in the averagely small room I rented 4 years ago will eventually come to an end, because the contract is over. So I’m moving to a new place, a temporary one before I decide where to go. That means I need to move at least twice more in the near coming future.

So, this whole packing the things has made me kind of mellow. Books have been packed into two big cartons. The cupboard has been emptied, and the photos have been dismantled from the sticky foam I used to put them at. My table even looks almost too tidy now. Almost everything is set up for moving. Then why it bothers me so much?

I don’t want to move. I’m comfortable with my friends. I’d miss everything I have done while staying here. It’s not like when I move I’d lose all my friends, but moving is like a sign that I might not see them for a very long time after that. It makes me realize that it’s going to change my life again, like 4 years ago which was not any big deal since we moved out together. This time, we go our own separate ways. It’s like stepping into the unknown. Well, everyday we face the unknown, but this is something bigger. I’m scared, I guess. I’m scared for what to come. The hell, I am scared that I might not be able to let go of my old life off my minds, my friends, my room, even the foods. I’m scared to lose everything I am so comfortable now. I’m scared I won’t experience it no more. I’m scared of everything. 

But then I think people move on. We make decisions everyday, even simple ones that change our lifes. We might decide to text message someone to say we care, and that bonds us even greater. We decide to go hang out with some friends and we end up learning more about life, about friendships, about the world, even about foods. ;p we decide to go out and chat, and meet people and it makes us know people and how they think, and we decide whether we like them and they can be our trusty friends, or we can depend on them. We decide to go solitude for a while in our life and we understand ourselves better after some time we spend evaluating ourselves, so we can apologize when we realize we’re wrong, or maybe humble ourselves when we’ve gone too far, or anything. Just simple ones and they change the course. I mean, we are equipped with the ability to make decisions to conform ourselves with the new environment, right? We will eventually cope with that, I believe I can do that. Just the memory of the past still haunts me, the reluctant feeling to lose it all, the scary feeling that it will not be the same anymore… I know we will be fine. I know I will be fine.

OnE HeLL oF A WeEk

So, it's been quite a long time i didnt write anything in english, which is my mother tongue (i know, just hold ur puke n soon u'll be fine).

it's been definitely one hell of a week. well, it takes two weeks to make it appear more like a hell actually. (i know i start to look like mumbling....). in my life, it needs appr. 30 days to get monthly funds in my account. but unfortunately i only needed several days to spend it almost entirely!! gosh, god help my wallet!

so, yes, the last two weeks have been quite some hell. i don't get enough sleep, fortunately not for the sake of some assignments (thx satan and god for that). i was rarely home during the noons. thanks for the unclear events i've spent with the most impossible, queer, absolutely-full-of anomaly group of friends. you'd better not pretend when you read this pals!! hahwah. and the shocking event of the week is absolutely not the fact that i'm graduating this saturday (well, i might as well inform it to you now as i start to open the counter for any congratulations. lol), not also that i haven't got any jobs at all, also not the fact that i'm so confused right now about where i should set my foot on in my future paths. no no no. the most shocking event is the fact that two of my friends were committing incest!!! god bless u couple! you should have confessed to me late at night when you both decided to do sooo!! ups, no pornography whatsoever involved in the term "late at night". wahahaha. ooooh, i'm so irritated. both of them were snatched away from me so simultaneously, left a big hole in my heart. LOL. gosh, i make it sound like kinda weird. nevertheless, my blessing is upon you, whether u need it or not.

and yes, two more days i'll be standing in front of the renowned Sabuga (okay, the word 'reknown' is a little bit exaggerating), announced formally to be graduated! whew! it makes me feel ambivalent. in a way, i am not required to face the crazy assignments. in other way, it kinda makes me feel insecure, like there's nothing i can hold on to anymore. i'm free in the cruel deep blue ocean. FYI, i like blue, the deep adjective is the scary part. hahaha, u'd say that irrelevant.

however, i still feel deep gratitude for my being. at least one path has been provided. let fate show what adversary will come along the way. or it might just branch to another path, which u bet i desperately hope just exactly what should happen.

lately, any unresolved feeling must be settled quickly, i guess? unresolved resent. unsettled curiosity. untold love. improper curse. untimely jokes. unfinished business. whatever it is. please just dont make it any sadder. :)

wish me well, buddy. just wish me well.

"i don't make a lot of friends. But the friends I have, are all well kept within my heart, like an eternal flame. They just simply never fade."

bagus yah quotationnya. bukan begini sih quote aslinya, tapi kira2 begitulah mksdnya.

duh, di masa2 penantian spt ini, rasanya ga bisa membayangkan bagaimana ke depan ke depannya.

apakah akan berpisah? atau ada sumur di ladang??

di satu sisi, ga ada jalan2 tiap hari yg bikin duit abisss. di sisi lain, ga ada yg bisa diejekin lagi nih. hahah.

lagi ga tau mau nulis apa, tapi pengen nulis. yah, begitulah. semoga besok2 adalah masa yg bersahabat.

sucks! sucks! sucks!

sial, anak2 kosan pada balik semua, cuman kamar gw gitu yg menunjukkan tanda2 kehidupan.... untuuuuung aja tmn2 hangout sialan itu (ada 10, bayangin aja sendiri sapa yg gw mksd. bwt, sulthoni ga ikutan meski dia masuk di "kata pengantar" buku TA gw. LoL). untuuuung aja gw masih ada acara sama klean2, setidaknya sampai akhir minggu ini.

btw, beres sudah urusanku sama itb! semua surat2an dah gw serahkan, tinggal duit2an nih yg blm lunas. susah nih kalo dah wisuda, bayar2nya banyak pisan. gw nih yg bayar ekstra banyak untuk ngeprint ga jelas!! ogah ngerjain TA lagi! uangnya keluar spt mencretnya si m***el. hwaahwa, padahal sapaaaa gitu yg paling sering kena diare ya...

duh, ini blognya dedicated buat klean2 ber10 de. dah tau gosip baru tentang karma moty lom?? wahahah, layak diceritain ga mot?? duh, ntar baca di forum aja de... smoga ada yg posting. blog ini lbh spesial lgi didedikasikan buat sister gw tercinta yg sering mengecek kita2 yg eksis. hahahahha

gw mau cerita tentang hari sabtu dan hari senin aja. bener2 nyampah....!!
so, ceritanya kita kan mau bikin jas buat wisudaan (anjrit, jasnya mahal pisan man!). so, kita hunting gt de ke sebuah daerah yg kata seseorang, menurut seorang teman yang lain, bagus dan rada murah. dasar si tukang gosip (dr subjur telkom, tau kan sapa orgnya), meski dia yg KELIHATANNYA pede sekali dan tau dmana, TERNYATA had no clue at all!! akhirnya hari itu kita cuma keliling2 di antara toko2 sempit penuh dengan kain ga jelas, lalang melintang di sistem eskalator yg kurang ajar, dan still got nothing!! mana jalannya MACET abis, kaki gw sakit banget nginjak gas dan kopling yg bener2 satunya sensitifff abis satunya ga sensitif abiiisss. tapi gpp lah, setidaknya ga nyampah banget. gw beli somthing juga biar perjalanan hari itu ga sia2. ennn, itu hari pertama gw nyetir di bandung dengan mobil sialan itu (husssh, mobil itu berjasa besar tauuuk, dah menganterin kita ke sejuta tempat! hahahha).

dah 2 taun ga nyetir nih, makanya gw pengen get the feel back. hasilnya?? yahhh, tentu saja tidak jauh beda dengan prestasi gw yg lain2nya. LOL. what the hell does that mean anyway??

senin. ini another hari kurang ajar bersama moty (LAGI??) n petra. mot, spt kata petra, sptnya kita bisa jadi gosip de kalo ketauan sering bareng2 gini.... whahahwah. (sory-red- ini bukan forum, ga bole samper2in gini ya? ga sopan. read on read on. :D). so, ceritanya abis ngurus buku TA, abis sms papa pembimbingku tercinta tersayang termanis (ga manis gmana coba, proses pengurusan TA gw mulus spt diare si allo layuk. wahwahwah. duh, pake nama!! gpp, dia ga bakal baca kok -- gosip of the day: dia keracunan tuh abis makan kakap tadi siang. mau mati dia. wish he did die. wajhwahwha). back to topic. so, akhirnya buku TA gw bisa dijilid hari itu juga. brengseknya harus keluar duit lagi buat fotokopi n jilid. grrrrh, bokek nih!! trus sialnya gw lagi ada urusan di tmp moty (LAGI??????), trus tiba2 si org bombay 4400dollar x 1.4 itu sms si moty ngajak nonton. mana rela gw biarin moty nonton berdua sama dia?? dgn terpaksa gw ikut. LOL. begonya, kita nontonnya malem abis, soalnya penuh banget n kita harus mondar mandir ga jelas selama 4 jam. gila bego! ga sia2 sih, kita2 berhasil beli baju panti asuhan yg akan dipamerkan di hari perdana. just wait! hahwahwahw. duh mot, bocor lagi de gwe.

yaaa gitu de. bener2 hari ga penting. tadi ketemu moty (LAGI! ampun de) lagi. untungnya mode hedon dan jalan2nya lagi off gara2 pengeluaran hari senin. bayangkan, kita sampai nongkrong di dua resto!! hwahwahwah. penting?? makanya hari ini makan indomie lagi (dgn berat hati...).


---- hm... bentar lagi semua urusan di kampus selesai. abis itu pasti cabut dr bandung. sayang juga, relationship gw dgn seseorg tidak berhasil dipanasin. :D. do i have to let it go?? anyway, kalo di film2, pasti ada sesuatu di deket2 endingnya... tapi kapan hidup itu sebagus film2?? spt kata sbh comment unanymous: "persoalan hidup ga bisa diselesaikan dgn sekedar berjoget dan bernyanyi" (menyindir org bollywood, ditujukan bagi org bombay -red- LOL). haiya, maybe i'll get better chance somewhere else. luv u all!

KManE AjE?

Wuuuh, dah hilang bbrapa lama, akhirnya bisa melihat blog ini lagi. hm, penggunaan kata 'bisa' terlalu dramatis, soalnya kapan aj sbnarnya 'bisa' ngeliat, hanya blkgan bnr2 lagi ga mood. but, it's a good sign, soalnya that means waktunya gw lagi kepake banget. which brings us to the next question, brarti skrg waktu gw ga kepake donk krna bisa nulis blog... yahh, anggap aja semacam perayaan. hahaha. perayaan apa? yah, anggap aja ada yg terjadi.

how's life lately? sucks! gw benci sama TA! rasanya koq ga selesai2. trus sepanjang hari menatap deretan 10010101010101010.... tanpa henti. trus nunggu hasil simulasi. trus mencari kesalahan. trus pas malem2 dah mau tidur, tiba2 terbayang garis timeline menuju deadline. rasanya kok delta waktunya kecil!! akhirnya ga jadi tidur. bangun lagi, debugging lagi, coding lagi. ngetikin 1010001 ga jelas. ngomong sendiri... otak kanan bertanya, otak kiri menjawab, kdg2 sebaliknya. kdg2 mengunjungi kamar tetangga kosan buat cari ide (thx bwt tito n dave, telah menerima kegilaanku apa adanya. wawhahwah), kdg2 nyari org ngobrol, kdg2 ketawa2 ga jelas, nyanyi dolooo, beol dulu, atau apain lah! hah! yg jelas semaleman itu gw ga tidur. untunglah ada dua org gila yg jg ga tidur: tito n dave lagi sajaaa! mrka lagi asik berdua di kamar dv. terdengar suara2 kenikmatan. kdg2 gw berkunjung to see how they're doing. they did fine. hahaha. untunglah mrka ga tidur. kalo ga kan rasanya kesepian bgt subuh2 ngerjain ta. kasiaaan bgt gitu ga sih kesannya.

akhirnya paginya tepar. begitu bangun, dota lagi. BENAR2 tak jelas. pas sorenya, debugging dikit lagi, habis itu gw kaget, shock, bikin gw pengen nangis, n bunuh diri! KOK keluaran simulasi gw BENER!??!? pengen rasanya loncat ke lantai bawah krna kesenengan. langsung memuji tuhan. wahahahha. sorry, mate. i'm not religious.

begitu selesai, rasanya ada beban terangkat. spt lagu: "Yesus angkat bebanku dan buang ke laut..." LoL. i know, it's childish. bayangkan bagaimana tekanan selama 1 semester, kebimbangan apakah bisa lulus ontime, semuanya lebih dipastikan dengan hasil itu. tp yaaah, masih ada yg harus dikerjakan, tp harus menunggu senin, soalnya perlu dikerjakan di lab. moga2 aja nothing bad will happen. bagi tmn2ku tercinta yg masih bergulat dgn ta, i know kita semua worry. let's fight!! abis itu kita liburan deee. katanya mau ke bali? anyer? kapan nih! camping aja ga jadi2. hahaha.

tapi kebahagiaan sesaat doang! abis itu masih dihadapkan dengan tugas bwt uas. brengeeeek. papanya tmn gw tuh. pengen rasanya cubitin pipinya yg tembem itu! spanking pantatnya yg montok! pengen gw ceburin! grrrrrhhhh. tugas yg irasional!!

ffuuuuhhh, lbh lega stlh gw marah2. pengen melampiaskan kekesalan doang sbnarnya. abis ini mau nyari bahan lagi. ugh, spt kata siska, benci de, napa si doolittle yg keluar minggu ini!! n napa sih tadi siang kita makannya si mcD? spt kata mikael: siska tuh yg maksa. wahahwahwhawh.